Monday, July 13, 2009

What's the deal?

So.... in the middle of the night, I woke up feeling mild (very mild) cramps. Just enough to make me wonder if it was in my imagination. It was the same cramps I started having when I was about to miscarry. Then when I went to use the bathroom this morning, some light spotting...

Ok. Realistically there are only a few explanations for this, but it all brought back the fear and worry I had when I figured out that my pregnancy was doomed. I cannot be miscarrying this early, surely to goodness... right? I am 3 weeks past my miscarriage, about a week 1/2 past zero HCG levels...

Explanation?

1) Aunt Flo is about to rear her ugly head. Early, yes, but not too far out of the normal for me. 22 days since miscarriage would put me having my period about the right time that I would normally start between periods. I will be disappointed if this is the case, but at least it will give me a good idea as to where I am in my cycles, etc. The only thing that makes me doubt this is that I do not have any other period symptoms.

2) Implantation bleeding. Hmmmm... this one is a little more "out there" for me. I never did it with the boys. I did have something similar to this with the last pregnancy, but it ended in a bad way, so I don't know if I want to compare this with that one. I am still mildly cramping...

So, you can see why I am on edge today. I am paranoid of repeating the miscarriage. I want to be pregnant and I am just scared.

Oh well, all I can do right now is wait and see. Pray. And dream...

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