My fears

After my miscarriage, I joined a forum where other women are that have been through the same experience. I was shocked at how many women have had multiple losses. Statistics that the doctor gave me was that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Doing the math, that is pretty big odds... but when I think about all the mothers I know, only a small percentage of them have had miscarriages. So, talking with the doctor, I know that my odds are now increased for another miscarriage... (why I wonder?) and I honestly didn't believe him. Now I see all of these women going thru two, three, or more miscarriages and I kinda freak a little. I can't imagine going through that again. Even Daniel told me "God wouldn't do that to you again, Mom".

I can honestly say that I want a baby, but I have these fears about losing it that will not go away. If I get pregnant, I think I will be a paranoid basket case (poor Scott). Even when I was having my period, the memories of the miscarriage all came back to me and I was so sad.... that dread feeling I had each time I went to the bathroom and saw a little more blood, knowing that it was my body rejecting my baby, was so real again. I pray to God that I do not have to go through that again... If it is not meant for me to have another child, I just hope that my body will not get pregnant. It would be easier to live with infertility than another loss.