Well, I have been waiting for 7 days now to get a happy face on my ovulation kit. Today, I was happily surprised with the "positive" result. It was my last test, was going to have to buy a new kit ($30) if it was negative...
So, all excited, I went to Scott who was still asleep to get him to get excited with me and got rejected. It made a zillion emotions well up inside me. Disappointment, anger, frustration, rejection, sadness... just to name a few. Ok, I know making a baby isn't the most "ideal" way to wake up... but I have wanted this ever since I lost the baby last month. I see babies all the time, or pregnant women and I want what they have so bad.
Scott and I are at such a better place in our relationship than we have ever been before. My pregnancy with Andrew was full of anxiety and changes. My pregnancy with Daniel was a little better, but we were financially unstable and I had a toddler to keep up with. I am a different person today than I was 10-12 years ago and I want a chance to go through pregnancy with all the positives that I missed out on before.
I don't want to take anything away from the pregnancy I had with the boys, but I was young and didn't appreciate the things that I should have. Now I know how precious life is... and especially how fragile a pregnancy can be.
So, this morning, I was really sad when Scott didn't seem to want the same thing I did. I know that I can't expect him to drop anytime I ask him to... but today was different, I had that happy face and I was soooo excited. :-(
So, maybe tonight... who knows. BLAH!
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