Saturday, June 20, 2009

Something is wrong...

I guess I knew it deep down, those gut feelings shouldn't be ignored. Maybe I could still be wrong, but I don't feel like this pregnancy is going to make it. After getting all the cramping and spotting, I made the appointment to see my doctor. He also seemed concerned about the fact that I don't "feel" pregnant.

He did an internal ultrasound and confirmed my worst fears. No baby, no sac, no sign of a pregnancy. The only explanation would be that I am getting ready to miscarry or that my dates are way off and I am not as far along as I think I should be. That doesn't seem possible, but it's my only hope. They did bloodwork yesterday and will compare my HCG levels. I will find out when I go back on Monday whether a D&C will be necessary or if this pregnancy has a chance.

I am incredibly disappointed. More so than I would have expected. I am feeling really alone right now and took some of my feelings out on the boys yesterday. I yelled a little too much and broke down right in front of them. I apologized for it and I know that they forgive me. Daniel, bless his little heart, got the worst of it. I love that little stinker, but he really pushed all of my buttons yesterday.

After such a disappointing day, I really needed Scott to be there for me. He wasn't and I resent him for it. Poor Andrew heard me crying in bed last night and came to be with me. I will cherish that moment for the rest of my life because my heart was hurting so bad and he, a 12 year old child, knew what his mama needed most, just to be comforted.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Problems? I am worried.

So far, this pregnancy has been nothing at all like the boys. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that it was 11 years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest.

Yesterday (June 17) I went to the doctor and they confirmed my pregnancy and gave me a due date, February 15, 2010. I think this might change because I think I might be a little further along than they calculated. But we will see when I have an ultrasound.

I know I am really early but I began cramping and spotting last night. I never did that with the boys. I finally called the doctors office today and told them the problems I had been having and they agreed that I needed to come in tomorrow. I hope that I get good news because I really want this baby so bad. It just seems like the right thing for our family right now.

Worrying has done me no good today, I have pretty much stayed on the couch all day. I have prayed a zillion prayers today. Please God take care of this tiny little baby.

June 18, 2009

Well, this is my first attempt at a "blog". I know that people have been doing it for years, but I tend to be behind the times when it comes to technology and cool new stuff. I wanted to have some kind of journal to track the journey that our family will be taking as we welcome baby # 3 into our lives. Let me begin with some background for those who may not know anything about me and my family.

I have been married for 12 years to a wonderful guy, Scott, who is the only person in the world I can hate and love all at the same instant. He can make me laugh like no other. We met years ago in Wal-Mart... one of us a little more interested in the other. One trip to Chattanooga, TN and things really changed for us. He made me laugh and feel so good when I was with him, it was easy to forget everything else around me.

A few short months later we got our first big surprise. I was pregnant. At age 20 (me) and 24 (him), we weren't babies having babies, but we sure weren't prepared for what lay ahead. We decided to get married before the baby was born. We were in love, but faced a lot of challenges at the time. On June 15, 1997, we married in Pigeon Forge, TN and on July 22, 1997 we became a family when our first born son, Andrew Scott was born.

I can't say that a baby fixed all of the problems that we had, but we sure did make a cute little family. Andrew was a true blessing and all the doubts and fears we had as a couple were overshadowed by the love we had for our precious baby boy. As our lives became more stable, we found that we made a great couple. The only thing that could make our lives better would be to give our little boy a brother or sister. So two years later, on July 9, 1999, we welcomed Daniel Aaron into our lives.

Our boys have always been our lives. They kept us busy and kept us together during the hard times. I have to admit, there were many hard times... but many, many more good days. Having two active little boys is tons of fun but lots of hard work. After Daniel came into our lives, we felt our family was complete. Mostly. Always in the back of my mind, I wondered how it would be to have another child... I really never thought we would. If Scott was wanting a baby, I didn't and if I was wanting a baby, he didn't. Seems like we could never get on the same page.

Then this year came and because I know Scott and I are not getting any younger (37, him and 33, me) I decided that we needed to think seriously about whether or not we were really DONE or not. I had been on birth control and decided to test the waters one month. Since we are older and all, I figured it would take a long time... well, that was last month. This month I never got my period. I took a test and it was negative. A week later another test, negative... at first. Then a faint line appeared. I took it as a messed up result and waited another week. On our 12th anniversary I took the final pregnancy test and discovered that Yes, I am pregnant.