Something is wrong...

I guess I knew it deep down, those gut feelings shouldn't be ignored. Maybe I could still be wrong, but I don't feel like this pregnancy is going to make it. After getting all the cramping and spotting, I made the appointment to see my doctor. He also seemed concerned about the fact that I don't "feel" pregnant.

He did an internal ultrasound and confirmed my worst fears. No baby, no sac, no sign of a pregnancy. The only explanation would be that I am getting ready to miscarry or that my dates are way off and I am not as far along as I think I should be. That doesn't seem possible, but it's my only hope. They did bloodwork yesterday and will compare my HCG levels. I will find out when I go back on Monday whether a D&C will be necessary or if this pregnancy has a chance.

I am incredibly disappointed. More so than I would have expected. I am feeling really alone right now and took some of my feelings out on the boys yesterday. I yelled a little too much and broke down right in front of them. I apologized for it and I know that they forgive me. Daniel, bless his little heart, got the worst of it. I love that little stinker, but he really pushed all of my buttons yesterday.

After such a disappointing day, I really needed Scott to be there for me. He wasn't and I resent him for it. Poor Andrew heard me crying in bed last night and came to be with me. I will cherish that moment for the rest of my life because my heart was hurting so bad and he, a 12 year old child, knew what his mama needed most, just to be comforted.